mental health is tricky

⌇ being a Black woman with severe anxiety + major depressive disorder can be hard sometimes. there. i said it. i get majorly depressed. such is (my) life. but i own that. i talk about it. i have to. because not talking about it almost killed me. multiple times.

it’s hard because some people still don’t believe this. i’m expected to push aside my thoughts + remain the “strong, Black woman” or pray it away. how exactly does one pray away their brain chemicals? asking for a fed up friend.

⌇it’s hard because when/if people associate depression + the Black woman, they won’t see the days of struggling to get out the bed, ignoring my amazing dogs + girlfriend, refusing to eat, having to bribe myself to get up and shower once daily. people don’t see that. when they think of depression, they think i’m crying in a blanket for a little bit and being dramatic.

⌇they won’t see the suicide ideations for over 14 years

⌇they don’t see the sleepless nights, worrying about who is upset with me for no reason, or laughing at me behind my back.

⌇they don’t see the years of being told by my parents that i’m just being dramatic, not acting like a good Black kid because i told them i could tell something was different with my mind and reactions to things

⌇they won’t see the years of taunting, general abuse, mistreatment that lead to my own emotional trauma and scarring.

⌇they don’t see the battle i won on my own. they’ll never know the journey i pushed myself through to get here. they’ll never hear those helpless, crying on the bathroom floor nights.

⌇they will see the me who came out of it, ready to talk though.

⌇mental health discussion isn’t a fun accessory or trend for me. it’s real life. it’s going beyond society’s imposed standards of how i’m supposed to think and feel as a Black woman.

⌇i’m sick of filtering out things in fear someone will judge or hold it against me.

i love talking about mental health. i love connecting with y’all. i love reading messages when you just need to vent. i’m so here for you, my small community. because i know 10 years ago, i would’ve LOVED to see someone who looked like me, outwardly talking, ready to help. ♥

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i'm taylor! i'm a lover of all things pro Black, LGBTQ+, and mental health. i love to write about the world around me and things i haven't always understood. i'd prefer to write about my dogs all day, but this is just as good! 

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